Being a ref is hard.

As someone who has officiated soccer and basketball for the past 15 years in the Yakima Valley, I can tell you that our job is not for the thin-skinned or the faint-of-heart. 

I’m not looking for sympathy; just stating a fact.

Most people understand how difficult it can be to wear the zebra stripes (or the rainbow of colors we sport on the soccer field). But, lately, many of them don’t seem to care.

These days, a growing number of fans and coaches show up to their kids’ events with an axe to grind. They are right; you are wrong. They know what really happened; you’re just an idiot. Their team would have won if it weren’t for some trivial out-of-bounds call you missed during the first half.

“You’re horrible!” they cry. “Open your eyes!” they shout. 

These fans and coaches seem to believe that our job is to call everything they *think* they see — from their vantage point 50 yards away, at an obscured angle with the sun in their eyes. 

They assume they are qualified to make an accurate decision on a particular play, even though their judgment is clouded by their own inherent bias for their team’s success. “There’s no way that’s not a foul!” … (because I want my child’s team to win and can’t fathom that a neutral party, with years of training and experience, could possibly see it differently).

In our hyper-reactionary society, where everyone has a hot take about everything — thanks to social media and a general coarsening of our discourse — referees like me often bear the brunt of these outbursts.

I’ve done this job for long enough that it doesn’t really bother me anymore. I treat people with respect and expect the same in return. When that doesn’t happen, I know how to confront the situation head-on. 

But it’s not me that I’m worried about; it’s the less-experienced officials who are deciding — more and more every year — that they want nothing to do with this kind of crap. Prospective refs who have thought about giving it a try are scared off by the way they see other officials being treated. 

I think about the kind, hard-working young woman who reffed a handful of soccer games with us this spring. During a match I worked with her a couple of months ago, she made a couple of (correct) offsides calls that were disputed loudly by the out-of-town coach. 

Even though his team was ahead by three goals in an inconsequential match against an undermanned Yakima squad, he chose to make this young official so miserable that she ended up in tears. We never saw her again.

I remember a few years ago when one of our up-and-coming youth officials was threatened in the parking lot after a high school game. Or the youth ref who was unable to leave his parking spot at Chesterley Park because the players on the losing team blocked his vehicle with their own. 

If I were a teenager or young adult, that would be enough for me to never come back. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want to return? 

As for me, the wily veteran, I’ve been at it for so long now that it’s hard for me to think about walking away — at least for a few more years. I know my services are needed and appreciated, and I still enjoy being out there. 

Sure, I have endured my share of verbal abuse over the years, but I have learned to accept it as part of the job. People are competitive and tensions run high. More often than not, the coaches and players who step over the line admit their misdeeds and we move on.

It’s not all sunshine and roses, let me tell ya’, but it’s also not as bad as you might think. Ninety percent of the time — at least for me — the job is fun and rewarding. The other 10 percent of games can be contentious and downright unpleasant, but not enough to make me consider hanging it up. 

The next generation of officials might see it differently, however. We’re not gaining new refs nearly as fast as we’re losing them, and if we can’t grow our ranks here in the Valley and across the state, the future of youth and high school sports is very much up in the air. 

If it feels like you’re seeing the same refs at all of your kids’ games, it’s because you are.

So next time you think about barking at an official over a call that you don’t agree with, think about how your behavior might be affecting the well-being of your community, both now and in the future. 

Don’t be “that guy;” be someone your kids and other parents can look up to. Together, we can create a youth sports culture that we can all be proud of. 

• Dave Leder is a Yakima-based writer and editor who has officiated youth soccer and basketball in the Yakima Valley since 2009.